Numbers 30 and Liberty

My girls and I have been slowly reading So Much More by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin. It has been a blessing to us to have time to read books on womanly things together. We try and read once per week at least. In the third chapter of the book, entitled "Fathers, Daughters and Protection," they quote from Numbers chapter 30 which says:

"30 And Moses spake unto the heads of the tribes concerning the children of Israel, saying, This is the thing which the Lord hath commanded.

² If a man vow a vow unto the Lord, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth.

³ If a woman also vow a vow unto the Lord, and bind herself by a bond, being in her father's house in her youth;

⁴ And her father hear her vow, and her bond wherewith she hath bound her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at her; then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand.

⁵ But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her vows, or of her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul, shall stand: and the Lord shall forgive her, because her father disallowed her.

⁶ And if she had at all an husband, when she vowed, or uttered ought out of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul;

⁷ And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her in the day that he heard it: then her vows shall stand, and her bonds wherewith she bound her soul shall stand.

⁸ But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and the Lord shall forgive her.

⁹ But every vow of a widow, and of her that is divorced, wherewith they have bound their souls, shall stand against her.

¹⁰ And if she vowed in her husband's house, or bound her soul by a bond with an oath;

¹¹ And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her, and disallowed her not: then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she bound her soul shall stand.

¹² But if her husband hath utterly made them void on the day he heard them; then whatsoever proceeded out of her lips concerning her vows, or concerning the bond of her soul, shall not stand: her husband hath made them void; and the Lord shall forgive her.

¹³ Every vow, and every binding oath to afflict the soul, her husband may establish it, or her husband may make it void.

¹⁴ But if her husband altogether hold his peace at her from day to day; then he establisheth all her vows, or all her bonds, which are upon her: he confirmeth them, because he held his peace at her in the day that he heard them.

¹⁵ But if he shall any ways make them void after that he hath heard them; then he shall bear her iniquity.

¹⁶ These are the statutes, which the Lord commanded Moses, between a man and his wife, between the father and his daughter, being yet in her youth in her father's house."


I love that. A decade ago, I would have felt trapped by the very protection God offers me in this. My thinking then was "that's not fair that anyone else should be able to tell me what to do, etc..." God shows us mercy by allowing us a way out if we make a rash vow. Well, I for one am queen of getting caught up and making rash vows! I an so thankful that my Honey has the final say!

Notice in the passage that no one can hold her accountable if her Husband or her Dad says no. Not even God holds her accountable for promises made! I see in my life how hard things become for me when I disregard my protection. I recently had a situation where I did not consider my husband's "advice" on stopping me from saying something. I felt the need to comment on something that he had told me to let go. I told him how I thought I needed to say something because this was within the family of Christ, and of course he would want me to say something and maybe he didn't know the whole situation. Possibly, I reasoned, if he knew the whole story he would come up with some wise (read: think the way I did about it) thing to say to this person. I wrote an email, read it to him and even though I was met with a disappointed look, I decided to send it anyway. I got a scathing email back, which prompted me to want to say something else. I got myself caught up in this: this person needed council, but I was in no position to be the one to give it. I was heartbroken, not for myself, but for this person who was so bitter and angry. A day passed and I thought of it all day long, neglecting my responsibilities at home while worrying about things I could not change. The night came, and I had barely eaten because I spent my day worrying (the very thing Christ tells us not to do). That night as I lay in bed, it dawned on me that I had just made a decision against my husband's advice and this is why my heart was in such turmoil. I had opened that can of worms alone and now I was feeling the results of it. I apologized to my Honey and told him how it had affected me all day long. I didn't stop thinking of the person I so desperately felt the need to counsel, but I prayed about the whole thing. I prayed for that person. I prayed that I would remember that my Honey has the authority in my vows- whether to give me permission or make them void. I prayed that I would not disobey him again in this way- thinking I knew best when really the Lord has put me under the authority, care, and protection of my husband. I had read the passages in the New Testament about wives obeying husbands, but seeing the mercy God has given me through my husband having the final say really backs up the "why" I need to obey him. :) The real amazing thing is that not only do I not have to be accountable for the vows I make before man if they are rash (which I pray they are not), but even God Himself will not hold me accountable. What a merciful God we serve!

Here is a link to some commentary on this passage. I hope you are as blessed in reading this as I was.

Laundry

Have you ever hung out your laundry to dry? I did it when the weather permitted for many years until the past two years. I got so busy not being at home, I couldn't be here to remove it once it was dry, or if it rained to bring it inside.

 I have hung my laundry inside in the winter around the kitchen where the wood stove is. 

What is it about the texture of clothes dried on a line or a rack that is so comforting?

What is it about that smell when things have been line dried that makes us feel so happy and clean? 

...Or the smell and feel of sheets and pillowcases that have been in the sunshine all day long? I sleep so much better on line dried sheets!

I feel connected to time that has already passed....

....to the women who have worked so hard to provide for their families.

When I have brought in the laundry, I smell the wonderful sunshine and fresh air provided by the Lord for our good. It feels like I am hugged in His arms when I wear the clothes that smell so much like sunshine! I feel like I am wrapped up in His Providence when I lay down to sleep on crisp sheets at night. Maybe that's what it is. Don't get me wrong, I also love the convenience of a clothes dryer when I need to use it, but after the clothes come out of the dryer, it evokes no memories or emotions. It just dries my clothes. 

Laundry is one of my favorite pass times!

New Year, New Day

Well, 2011 is coming to an end today. We celebrate the flipping over of a calender with anticipation of new and exciting promises to be better, make ourselves better, and the world better.

I find it a strange custom for us to do as Believers in the One True God, Creator of the universe and of time itself. Our systematic counting of time has no real meaning if we forget that He is always faithful and His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3: 22-23). It is no accident or gift of time that we wake up in the morning. God's time is always perfect. Remember how He gave us an example by doing Himself of how to treat time in the very beginning before there was no sin? Back when He told us the way to count days? There was no written calender. Let me remind you with His own Word:

“By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.” (Genesis 2:2-3)

and later in the law:


 “Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is the Sabbath of YHWH your God. In it you shall not do any work, you, nor your son, nor your daughter; your manservant, nor your maidservant, nor your livestock, nor the stranger within your gates; for in six days YHWH made the heaven and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore YHWH blessed the Sabbath day and sanctified it” (Ex. 20:8-11).

Now, I know that we are no longer under the curse of the law (read this about the law), but I am talking about keeping time.

 Are we to make promises of being better only when a year has passed? Are we to only recognize YHWH's goodness when we awake tomorrow because we've lived to see "another year?" Or is it that we ought to be grateful because we awoke this morning and all the other mornings before this? He tells us in His Word to be thankful for all things and pray always (1 Thessalonians 5: 17-18), so should we not do this every day? I am struck by the fact that our Lord wants my genuine thanks- my first thing in the morning- haven't opened my eyes yet- morning breath- stumbling down the hall towards the bathroom- praise and prayer. It's not just the anticipation of changing out my old calender with a new one- it's the all the time anticipation that this world is not my home- that He will come back to get me- that I will be able to spend eternity in Glory- and that I will answer face to face for even the foolish words I have spoken while not thinking (Matt. 12:36). Imagine then the idle way I have spent my unredeemed time (Ephesians 5: 16)! Do not wait another moment to live as imitators of God (Eph. 5:1) just because it's not a "new year." We are not promised another day at all (James 4: 13-17)!

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Trading in "Good" for "Best"

We have decided after prayer and discussion that our girls will not be continuing with their Thoughtful Thursday classes. Yesterday, I sent the emails to their teachers about it. I felt a little heartbroken to do so. It is not something that is in our best interest to continue to do, though not a bad thing of course. Isnt' life funny like that? Sometimes you have this thing you think is great only to find that it's merely good and you're missing out on the great because of it. Does that make it bad? I don't know that it is bad- just bad for us. 

Part of our inability to go has to do with the fact that we have wood heat. It’s bitterly cold in our house when there is no one here to keep the fire. This is an od drafty house that needs constant care.

We are also continually working on the house. We have yet to replace the roof (which we’d hoped to have done by now) due to finances. What seemed like only $30 per week really became more like $100 after gas and being so far away from home that we were only able to have one meal before leaving home and getting back so very late. Really we probably could have put the roof on the house by now had we chosen not to do TT  and saved that money instead. 

We spent many years just not leaving the house except for basics like grocery shopping  and doctor visits for Scott’s Mom that I just wanted the girls to do something different and fun (hence going to TT). Of course retrospect is 20/20 and many of the valuable lessons we learned during that time of trial were the best things and nothing a book nor a class could teach us can compare. 

In keeping with the “plan” we feel the Lord has given to us for our daughters, the art and music lessons, which entertaining and fun, are not “best” but only “good.” None of us should be willing to give up the “great” for merely “good” although sometimes it’s hard to tell which is which. The girls have both expressed a desire to continue classes, but also to fulfill their life plans, and so are ambivalent. Last night they spent at a friend of the family's home in order to help the Mother today with chores and childcare. After feeling tired from not sleeping well, they worked hard today. They came home tired but feeling fulfilled having helped this family. I think they have realized their calling in life if greater than the fun they have been having in classes. I am grateful.  Another lesson the Lord has provided!

Thoughts on the house and my Honey

This morning, my Honey said something to me that really spoke to me: "It will take time but it will all come together." He was referring to our halfway demolished house.

The one in which we need a non leaking roof. The one in which we have to change our sediment filter every few days because our well might be drying up, pump going out, pressure tank may be too full of mud, etc....

The one that is hazardous in certain parts of the "deck" outside because if you walk on it the rotten boards might give way. The one which has no electricity in the laundry room-soon-to-be- bathroom and I'm using an extension cord to do laundry and have a light in there. You know, the one we live in.

He is such a patient man. Perhaps it has been the years living with me that has helped him to develop that quality. He is known for saying "It's how you eat an elephant: one bite at a time." I am not so patient. I get easily overwhelmed. I often say "yes" to things that stretch my time beyond what is humanly possible. My Honey sets me free from obligations I need to be freed from ( Numbers 30) I see the large projects we take on and panic a little bit. He calms my fears that it will overtake me. I just realize on a pretty regular basis how very blessed I am. YHWH has shown me grace in marriage as well as my salvation. I have not deserved a good husband who really loves me, but I got one anyway! I have not been such a wonderful wife, but he has continually been a wonderful leader in our household. Thank you Honey!

Again the Lord Provides!

I am not a winner. I enter contests all the time but I rarely win. Whenever I competed in events at school I hardly ever won. I was always surprised when I did when I ran track. I never won running events- only jumping. Of course there weren't many jumpers- sometimes none but me so I won by default. I once won a door prize- the coffee table that's in my living room right now. I also won some fabric as a part of a shop hop online at quilt websites. I think in 38 years of entering many contests and competitions, winning only a few times is pretty good. Today I won something too!

Example pot- not the pot I won

I entered the Baraka Neti Pot drawing for $100 worth of free products and I won! I entered at the last minute really, and although there were several chances to enter over the summer so I'm sure others entered several times, my one lone entry got picked! It's really just in time for us too because it's been a bad allergy season for us. We've been doing demolition here and kicking up dust and mold spored and animal droppings and who knows what else! I have caulked around doors and such, but it still gets in. My poor Dear Honey has suffered the greatest out of all of us- working tirelessly on his days off to remove dilapidated parts full of nasty allergens in the heat and up on the roof even! I have really appreciated all that he does for us- and it has been so very evident as of late. He's so good to us! The least I can do is get him a nice manly black matte neti pot made in the USA!

We have had great success with sinus rinsing to combat inhaled allergies. Today I took my Eldest Dear Daughter to have allergy testing and found that she is, like me, allergic to something from every category except foods. Of course they test for common allergens- not the bananas that have hurt her stomach since she was five. We just avoid them now. Really she has had such a time with allergies all her life- and asthma. I have only recently discovered my own allergies and asthma which have gotten worse, but my poor Baby Girl- she's woken up with gunk in her eyes, coughed through many nights, had a constant itchy throat, years of eczema, and hospitalization with asthma. After all of that and many prayers said on her behalf, we finally can say we know the causes of her miseries and combat them. I'm not much on pharmaceuticals. Anyone who knows me will know that I hate taking medicine myself, let alone giving things to my family that will be full of weird side- effect symptoms. Years ago, my Honey went into anaphylactic shock taking NSAIDs (you know- Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Aspirin, etc...) and had to be rushed to the hospital twice in a week for it! The first time he was given adrenaline and an antihistamine and sent home once the symptoms subsided (because of the meds). Once that was out of his system, his symptoms came back again and he was brought by ambulance to the hospital. He spent months on steroids and have since had to be very careful what he takes. NSAIDs are in everything from indigestion relief to sports cream! After all of these years avoiding conventional medicine, it seemed that the best thing to do was to just embrace them and put myself back on allergy medication. Currently I take Quercetin every morning for the more mild allergies, but really I needed something more for fall. I have considered Zyrtec again but I'm going to see if the Neti Pot won't help me out more without side effects. I really believe that the lot may be case in the lap but the Lord is the one who determines the outcome! No, I am not advocating gambling, but I do know we have a Father who sees and who is active always in our lives. He is not absent and I know He answers prayers! Who knows? Maybe winning this contest is an answer to prayer!

Seeing God's Truth in the Dentist Office

This morning I was blessed by an early call from my dentist's office. I say "my" meaning I plan to go there for checkups. My Beloved does some work there sometimes and he recommended  that I go get a wisdom tooth that had a cavity taken care of. Well, I met Dr. Barkley of High Country Dentistry. He was young. He's a newlywed and his wife, who I haven't met, is an Endodontist in the building right next to his. I've heard all about them from my Beloved.

I already had an appointment for Thursday for a checkup and cleaning, which was to include X-rays. The call this morning was for X-rays: I got them for free for being the guinie pig while they trained someone on the new digital x-ray machine. It took a little longer than normal, but she did an excellent job. I was not nervous at all. She really put me at ease. Oh, have I mentioned how I feel about going to the dentist? I only go as an emergency- like the ER but more dreaded in my book. Over the past decade I've been to a dentist twice. The first one told me that I had to pay them exorbitant amounts of money for scaling or I would lose my teeth by the following year. The second one filled a cavity, said he would not clean my teeth and sent me to a Periodontist for evaluation. I was diagnosed with Periodontal disease and given a treatment plan that also involved lots of money. I have a hard time trusting someone who's business it is to ensure I have a problem that only they can fix. Over my life I have been to dentists who were pull happy, stingy with Novocaine, and sometimes just fussed at me over the condition of my teeth. I realize they are MY teeth and MY responsibility, but there are circumstances sometimes beyond a person's control or in the past that just can't be helped. And no, I don't just guzzle soda. You'd be hard pressed to find me with any kind of soda and it's been that way for at least 10 years. If that's what's served, I ask for water. OK, so maybe I feel a little like I've been ill-treated by some dentists in the past. I can't hold it against all of them forever!

To say I was nervous about having a tooth pulled was an understatement. I was on the verge of throwing up. I always feel nervous like that when doing anything I deem difficult, like meeting new people at places like Bible study in which case I am expected to give intimate details of my life that I don't want to share for fear of folks judging me harshly. My Oldest, Pumpkin told me that I should be fine since she has had dental surgery and survived. She was matter-of-fact-compassionate. She told me it would hurt but after a little while I would forget all this pain and it would have been worth it. My Youngest, Sweetpea held my hand and told me she felt like the Mommy instead of me. She just sat beside me holding my hand giving silent comfort. They offered to play a game with me so I could pass the time without thinking about it, but I decline. I wanted to think about it.

I wondered at the Mysterious way in which our Savior went, knowing what was about to happen, as a Sheep to the slaughter. I felt this sense of dread at the pain that I knew would happen and thought of His knowing about pain and sin and death and still going. My sweet Daughters prayed for me, that the Father would be the one who was operating on me using the Doctor's hands as per my good Friend Linda's suggestion. She said she would be praying or me too. I was called back and thought of all of this. Dr. Barkley talked to me a few minutes and I asked him to tell me the whole thing- everything that would happen as far as surgery goes. I always like to know in advance so I can set my mind to it. He said he wasn't sure until he got in there but he gave me a description of what he thought based on what he saw already on the X-rays. He numbed me and set to work. He worked on me for about an hour. It was a challenge I think. My tooth would not budge.

I thought of how much like sin this tooth was. It had a cavity- a place of decay that was obvious. It hadn't always been there of course, but the way it just broke last month makes me think it was there just under the surface, eating away at what seemed whole. Another thing about this tooth is that the roots were very deep and bulbous at the end and rather than just going down into my jaw, it went back towards my ear. It was well lodged in there but the crown of the tooth seemed to come straight up. It was deceptive. It didnt' start where it seemed to. It started somewhere near that but it was far from obvious which way to pull without x-rays. How much like sin was that root that didn't seem to be connected to the visible part. How very like the Lord to show me this in the middle of a dental visit! He doesn't let us waste a moment when we go to Him with questions, asking for mercy. Sin eats away at us. Sometimes it is not obvious where we got an idea. Until today, I had never thought of tracing my sinfulness back to my own pride early in life. There are sins that don't seem connected to pride, but today I can see them with fresh eyes- from a new perspective- from laying in the dental chair. It hurts when sin is exposed for what it is. It's embarrassing when someone else sees it and is needed to help you remove it. The root must be exposed as well. All of the tissue that has surrounded it- protecting it- hiding it- has to be cut away, or torn depending on how tightly it hangs on. With roots like mine- deep and fat- there is much tissue loss. It is disfiguring to rip out that win root- and part of dealing with pride is humiliation. The Bible calls it becoming humble, but it still feels painful like humiliation. As I deal with the many sins my pride has been the root of- nourishing and feeding and branching off of it, I might look ugly. I may have times of sounding stupid. You might look at me and see someone you thought you knew, but not so much anymore. You might see that pride and decide you don't like me anymore. I think that is also a part of pride. Despite the pain I am in right now after the tooth was extracted, and the humiliation I know that comes when the Lord humbles you, I know I can love Him better without the festering pride. The Lord's faithfulness and love will heal my heart and my mouth.

Cycles and God's Providence!

It's funny how life seems to go in cycles. I never really noticed it until it had past and then it was painfully obvious. This fall feels like the autumn I experienced a few years ago but of course it's different in many ways. Doctor visits do this for me in the fall. A few years ago it was my Mother-in law who I was driving around back and forth from the cancer treatment center in Boone to our home there. She passed away. I think that experience has somehow colored every doctor visit since.

Last Wednesday I went with my Dear Mother to the doctor. She has had some problems with remembering things really for years but it has become alarming for her this year. Sadly, she is often confused and she is aware of her confusion and forgetfulness. My loving Brother commented that he thought she was losing her memory a decade ago! We chalked it up to stress or just plain being forgetful of unimportant things, but little did we know that it was going to continue. Despite both of us seeing it for many years, and I'm sure Dad seeing it too, none of us really thought it might be something that would get worse. She's so young! I sat in the room waiting to talk to her attendant wondering what in the world I would say. There's something so sweet and tender about my Mother- I'm not sure that anyone could be mean to her on purpose if they spent any time with her. She seemed so fragile to me. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to be angry and her Nurse for not seeing this sooner, but they couldn't have ever known. We actually saw a Nurse Practitioner rather than a doctor. She's been going to this place for years and they seem to be good at practicing medicine. This very nice lady came in and talked with us, asking Mom a series of questions, some of which she could answer and some she couldn't. She concluded that more tests needed to be performed so they had us go to a place that draws blood and reports back to them. We hoped for two days that the bloodwork would come back abnormal- that Mom would be vitamin b12 deficient which can cause a host of very preventable and treatable problems. But it wasn't to be. Next week we go to a Neurologist. I have been holding my breath waiting to see what it is that they see.

 Last Thursday I took my sweet oldest daughter to the doctor because she had been having asthma for a while. It was a short visit, followed by a drive to the pharmacy across from the hospital. The last time I went there I was returning Nana's wheelchair that we had rented. I am all to familiar with those isles - wandering up and down waiting for the name to be called from the back counter of the store. It was a little bit hard to be there. Jasmine got her medication and started on her asthma treatment. Allergy testing is next week and a follow up visit to her doctor two weeks after. She has had very much relief in the past week.

Today I was at the same office with Miriam who had a fever and vomiting. I got up early and called the doctor who made an appointment for us this morning. My fear was she had strep throat and I knew she had played with many of the cousins who live nearby just a day or so before. As I drove back into Boone (I was there yesterday for a homeschool meeting) we were listening to a radio sermon about studying scripture. The teacher said we should spend a week adjust ourselves to daily reading of scripture by getting a hold of one verse or passage, writing it on a note card and just placings where we will be often, such as at the computer or at the kitchen table. This way we would be reading and thinking on God's Word all day long until it just feels more natural. The verse "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13) popped into my head as if it had just been spoken.  I also thought why in the world am I taking her to the doctor when really the scripture teaches that if there are sick among us we ought to call for the elders of the church who shall pray and anoint the sick with oil. I didn't have any oil on hand but I did pray for her. When we left the house her temperature was 102.2. By the time we got to the doctor's office her fever had broke and was only 99. I am amazed daily by God's Providence!

Next Monday I take her to Spruce Pine to her Podiatrist to get her custom made orthotics. We suspect it will be a relief for her feet and ankles. Also next week is the regular visit to the orthodontist for Jasmine.

I said all that to say this: life is in a constant state of fluctuation and upheaval. As soon as I think I'm rooted, I'm transplanted. The very things I think are going to be one way turn up another. If I had no faith in a Loving Father in Heaven, I would be in quite a mess. He carries me when I have no strength to stand. He provides what I don't even know I need! He heals me when I didn't even know I was sick! I'm just in awe of His presence. Sure, things seem familiar. I could point to so many cycles that I have seen myself go through, but I can also see where He has brought me to and where He has carried me from. Busy-ness is part of life. Sickness sadly is too (thanks to our first parents Adam and Eve). Can anyone know tomorrow? Sure- we can plan, but can we ever know what tomorrow will bring before it has come? No. But I have a Father who knows already and in Him I put my trust!


 In our sickness we shall praise You! In our Health we shall glorify You YHWH! Who else can I turn to as my Shield and my Redeemer? There is no name in the universe by which I am saved but Yours! Blessed be the Name of  Yehoshua the Redeemer!