Teaching Daughters

Our family has been homeschooling for about a decade now. My daughters are 14 and 16 now, and we see that we are nearing the end of formal academics with them.  I say I'm nearing the end, but really we have never been incredibly heavily academic anyway. The girls like to read history, literature, and math (yes, read math). They also like to create, examine, discover, and play. Basically, they live life and enjoy what they are doing.


They spend their days learning to be homemakers, lovers of the home and the people in it. This hasn't been accidental. When we brought Jasmine home from government schooling when she was six, my Honey said something to me like:

"Don't forget to teach them to be women. It's important that they can cook for their future families. Teach them to organize, clean,  care for babies, and all the things you struggled with so they will be a blessing to their husbands and children." 

I don't remember if those were his exact words, but over the years, he has said over and over that this was my responsibility to raise them to be true women. 

The world's way of teaching girls to be women have everything to do with "empowerment" in the form of public nudity and "free love (no strings attached)." It calls being a homemaker monotonous and gives abortion as the answer to the problem of having little human beings who need everything from you 24/7. It's the opposite of what the Lord has deemed a vital role. It talks of a better future, but it leaves girls and women exposed and betrayed, alone having to struggle with all of the consequences of living a lifestyle filled with sin. 

So, let's look at our Mother, Eve. She was created FOR Adam. He could not work alone. He could never do the thing God had commanded him to do: be fruitful and multiply. Funny thing, Adam didn't even know he was incapable of multiplying until YHWH showed him that he was alone unlike the animals who all had a mate. They were created to be a team. One could not accomplish much without the other and vice versa but together they could do what our Father wanted them to do. Then enters sin and the curses. During the eating of the forbidden fruit, some things come to mind. One: Eve was deceived into eating the fruit but Adam was not. He still ate it, but he had not been talked into it using deception. Both of their curses were different: Adam was going to be working until the day he died to just feed his family and Eve was cursed to have pain in childbirth AND to be subject to her husband rather than being partners on equal footing. Even later in scripture, wives are under the authority of their husbands. 

Look at Sarah and Abraham: despite the fact that he asked her to tell people she was just his sister, which could have gotten her killed, she obeyed him "calling him lord (see 1 Peter 3)."  She is commended for being faithful under his authority. I know that's such an unpopular idea: that women are under the authority of their fathers or husbands and that even an adult woman is to listen to her father (especially an adult woman who is not married) or to revere and obey her husband, speaking in a respectful manner (Ephesians 5: 22-24, 1Cor. 11:3, Pro. 31: 23, Col. 4:6), but God's Word is always timely. So, as the girls have grown up, I have struggled to be respectful and honor my husband. He's a good man, so it's not so hard to obey him. However, every fiber in my body wants to be rebellious and do the opposite of what my husband expects. I know it's in our (sinful) nature to just do whatever we aren't supposed to. I know it's true of my daughters as well. We have spent the past decade helping them to first, Love the Lord with all that is within them, then their brethren and in doing both, understand their own natures, give themselves over to the God of our Salvation and how to be true women. It is our prayer, as parents and as fellow heirs, that they both grow more and more in the Lord. It is our hope that they will do the unpopular thing and be women of God- not just calling themselves that and living any old way while talking trash about us as parents or their husbands in the future, but really be women who love by living it. Even women married to unbelieving husbands have the same advice:

1 Peter 3 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, ² when they see your respectful and pure conduct. ³  Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— ⁴ but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. ⁵ For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, ⁶ as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Disclaimer: God's Word is HIS Word, not mine. I am writing a disclaimer in case any one wants to debate this. Take it up with the Lord, because it's His idea! :) 


Blessings!

Thoughts on Freedom

Today is the celebration of America's independence from England. We will grill out and blow up some fireworks to pay homage to our founding fathers who sacrificed to bring us this freedom, but what are we really doing today? Over the years I have wanted to proudly fly the American flag from my porch like other Americans I see, but my loyalties are ultimately not here.

When I was a little girl, A&E showed a musical about black folks in America. In one segment, there were slaves, singing:

This world is not my home,

I'm only passing by.

My friends and all my treasures

Are all laid up on High. 

I miss my friends and loved ones

Who have gone I know not where.

Still I can't feel at home

In this land any more.

I still sing that even though I cannot even remember the rest of the song. This world, this country, this house- none of it- is my home at all. The Lord has put me on a path to eternity in His presence and having looked and seen the Prize, how could I ever turn back? How could I be counted worthy if I ever put my hand to the plow and look back (Luke 9:62)? Ultimately, where does true freedom come from?

What even is Freedom? According to Merriam Webster online dictionary:

1

: the quality or state of being free: asa : the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or actionb : liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another : independencec : the quality or state of being exempt or released usually from something onerous <freedom from care>d : ease, facility <spoke the language with freedom>e : the quality of being frank, open, or outspoken <answered with freedom>f : improper familiarityg : boldness of conception or executionh : unrestricted use <gave him the freedom of their home>

2

a : a political rightb : franchise, privilege

So, actually Yeshua the Messiah has made me free. I am liberated from sin. Of course then there has to be a definition of sin. Again, going to the dictionary we see this:

1

a : an offense against religious or moral lawb : an action that is or is felt to be highly reprehensible <it's a sin to waste food>c : an often serious shortcoming : fault

2

a : transgression of the law of Godb : a vitiated state of human nature in which the self is estranged from God

Being free means not being punished for breaking God's law

New Year, New Day

Well, 2011 is coming to an end today. We celebrate the flipping over of a calender with anticipation of new and exciting promises to be better, make ourselves better, and the world better.

I find it a strange custom for us to do as Believers in the One True God, Creator of the universe and of time itself. Our systematic counting of time has no real meaning if we forget that He is always faithful and His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3: 22-23). It is no accident or gift of time that we wake up in the morning. God's time is always perfect. Remember how He gave us an example by doing Himself of how to treat time in the very beginning before there was no sin? Back when He told us the way to count days? There was no written calender. Let me remind you with His own Word:

“By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.” (Genesis 2:2-3)

and later in the law:


 “Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is the Sabbath of YHWH your God. In it you shall not do any work, you, nor your son, nor your daughter; your manservant, nor your maidservant, nor your livestock, nor the stranger within your gates; for in six days YHWH made the heaven and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore YHWH blessed the Sabbath day and sanctified it” (Ex. 20:8-11).

Now, I know that we are no longer under the curse of the law (read this about the law), but I am talking about keeping time.

 Are we to make promises of being better only when a year has passed? Are we to only recognize YHWH's goodness when we awake tomorrow because we've lived to see "another year?" Or is it that we ought to be grateful because we awoke this morning and all the other mornings before this? He tells us in His Word to be thankful for all things and pray always (1 Thessalonians 5: 17-18), so should we not do this every day? I am struck by the fact that our Lord wants my genuine thanks- my first thing in the morning- haven't opened my eyes yet- morning breath- stumbling down the hall towards the bathroom- praise and prayer. It's not just the anticipation of changing out my old calender with a new one- it's the all the time anticipation that this world is not my home- that He will come back to get me- that I will be able to spend eternity in Glory- and that I will answer face to face for even the foolish words I have spoken while not thinking (Matt. 12:36). Imagine then the idle way I have spent my unredeemed time (Ephesians 5: 16)! Do not wait another moment to live as imitators of God (Eph. 5:1) just because it's not a "new year." We are not promised another day at all (James 4: 13-17)!

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Thoughts on the house and my Honey

This morning, my Honey said something to me that really spoke to me: "It will take time but it will all come together." He was referring to our halfway demolished house.

The one in which we need a non leaking roof. The one in which we have to change our sediment filter every few days because our well might be drying up, pump going out, pressure tank may be too full of mud, etc....

The one that is hazardous in certain parts of the "deck" outside because if you walk on it the rotten boards might give way. The one which has no electricity in the laundry room-soon-to-be- bathroom and I'm using an extension cord to do laundry and have a light in there. You know, the one we live in.

He is such a patient man. Perhaps it has been the years living with me that has helped him to develop that quality. He is known for saying "It's how you eat an elephant: one bite at a time." I am not so patient. I get easily overwhelmed. I often say "yes" to things that stretch my time beyond what is humanly possible. My Honey sets me free from obligations I need to be freed from ( Numbers 30) I see the large projects we take on and panic a little bit. He calms my fears that it will overtake me. I just realize on a pretty regular basis how very blessed I am. YHWH has shown me grace in marriage as well as my salvation. I have not deserved a good husband who really loves me, but I got one anyway! I have not been such a wonderful wife, but he has continually been a wonderful leader in our household. Thank you Honey!

How do you stay at home or......

This evening on Facebook a lady asked this question: "What are some things that you do to make sure you don't spend more time reading or writing about your home ministry than you spend actually ministering? Let's share ideas!!!"




Here is my response:




I used to go to this great ladies Titus 2 Bible study. Sometimes I would come home with these great ideas from the group that my husband just thought weren't for us. One day I realized I spent so much time there and studying to be a good wife without implementing anything I'd learned (like obeying and reverencing my husband) that I just felt foolish and stopped going. When asked why I didn't come I told the ladies that I needed to start practicing some of the theories I had learned. LOL

I also have come to realize that the Lord places us where He wants us to minister. Here I am in the home with my daughters, homeschooling them (now teenagers) and teaching them what kind of future wives to be! I'm all for spreading the Gospel to the world, but I have a family that the Lord has given me to care for here. If He brings others into my home then this is the place for me to share in. Also, it's not a "do as I say not as I do" thing. The Gospel, hence the Christian life, is one of love (not defined as mere affection but the kind of love that as CS Lewis wrote: But Love is not mere Kindness. "Kindness cares not whether its object becomes good or bad, provided only that it escapes suffering", while Love "would rather see [the loved ones] suffer much than be happy in contemptible and estranging modes". How can I love my family if I only want them to always "be happy" by placating them with toys and entertainments? I cannot. Thus it is my job to serve them and teach the children in this precious time that I have them here with me to love the Lord. That is my ministry.

Seeing God's Truth in the Dentist Office

This morning I was blessed by an early call from my dentist's office. I say "my" meaning I plan to go there for checkups. My Beloved does some work there sometimes and he recommended  that I go get a wisdom tooth that had a cavity taken care of. Well, I met Dr. Barkley of High Country Dentistry. He was young. He's a newlywed and his wife, who I haven't met, is an Endodontist in the building right next to his. I've heard all about them from my Beloved.

I already had an appointment for Thursday for a checkup and cleaning, which was to include X-rays. The call this morning was for X-rays: I got them for free for being the guinie pig while they trained someone on the new digital x-ray machine. It took a little longer than normal, but she did an excellent job. I was not nervous at all. She really put me at ease. Oh, have I mentioned how I feel about going to the dentist? I only go as an emergency- like the ER but more dreaded in my book. Over the past decade I've been to a dentist twice. The first one told me that I had to pay them exorbitant amounts of money for scaling or I would lose my teeth by the following year. The second one filled a cavity, said he would not clean my teeth and sent me to a Periodontist for evaluation. I was diagnosed with Periodontal disease and given a treatment plan that also involved lots of money. I have a hard time trusting someone who's business it is to ensure I have a problem that only they can fix. Over my life I have been to dentists who were pull happy, stingy with Novocaine, and sometimes just fussed at me over the condition of my teeth. I realize they are MY teeth and MY responsibility, but there are circumstances sometimes beyond a person's control or in the past that just can't be helped. And no, I don't just guzzle soda. You'd be hard pressed to find me with any kind of soda and it's been that way for at least 10 years. If that's what's served, I ask for water. OK, so maybe I feel a little like I've been ill-treated by some dentists in the past. I can't hold it against all of them forever!

To say I was nervous about having a tooth pulled was an understatement. I was on the verge of throwing up. I always feel nervous like that when doing anything I deem difficult, like meeting new people at places like Bible study in which case I am expected to give intimate details of my life that I don't want to share for fear of folks judging me harshly. My Oldest, Pumpkin told me that I should be fine since she has had dental surgery and survived. She was matter-of-fact-compassionate. She told me it would hurt but after a little while I would forget all this pain and it would have been worth it. My Youngest, Sweetpea held my hand and told me she felt like the Mommy instead of me. She just sat beside me holding my hand giving silent comfort. They offered to play a game with me so I could pass the time without thinking about it, but I decline. I wanted to think about it.

I wondered at the Mysterious way in which our Savior went, knowing what was about to happen, as a Sheep to the slaughter. I felt this sense of dread at the pain that I knew would happen and thought of His knowing about pain and sin and death and still going. My sweet Daughters prayed for me, that the Father would be the one who was operating on me using the Doctor's hands as per my good Friend Linda's suggestion. She said she would be praying or me too. I was called back and thought of all of this. Dr. Barkley talked to me a few minutes and I asked him to tell me the whole thing- everything that would happen as far as surgery goes. I always like to know in advance so I can set my mind to it. He said he wasn't sure until he got in there but he gave me a description of what he thought based on what he saw already on the X-rays. He numbed me and set to work. He worked on me for about an hour. It was a challenge I think. My tooth would not budge.

I thought of how much like sin this tooth was. It had a cavity- a place of decay that was obvious. It hadn't always been there of course, but the way it just broke last month makes me think it was there just under the surface, eating away at what seemed whole. Another thing about this tooth is that the roots were very deep and bulbous at the end and rather than just going down into my jaw, it went back towards my ear. It was well lodged in there but the crown of the tooth seemed to come straight up. It was deceptive. It didnt' start where it seemed to. It started somewhere near that but it was far from obvious which way to pull without x-rays. How much like sin was that root that didn't seem to be connected to the visible part. How very like the Lord to show me this in the middle of a dental visit! He doesn't let us waste a moment when we go to Him with questions, asking for mercy. Sin eats away at us. Sometimes it is not obvious where we got an idea. Until today, I had never thought of tracing my sinfulness back to my own pride early in life. There are sins that don't seem connected to pride, but today I can see them with fresh eyes- from a new perspective- from laying in the dental chair. It hurts when sin is exposed for what it is. It's embarrassing when someone else sees it and is needed to help you remove it. The root must be exposed as well. All of the tissue that has surrounded it- protecting it- hiding it- has to be cut away, or torn depending on how tightly it hangs on. With roots like mine- deep and fat- there is much tissue loss. It is disfiguring to rip out that win root- and part of dealing with pride is humiliation. The Bible calls it becoming humble, but it still feels painful like humiliation. As I deal with the many sins my pride has been the root of- nourishing and feeding and branching off of it, I might look ugly. I may have times of sounding stupid. You might look at me and see someone you thought you knew, but not so much anymore. You might see that pride and decide you don't like me anymore. I think that is also a part of pride. Despite the pain I am in right now after the tooth was extracted, and the humiliation I know that comes when the Lord humbles you, I know I can love Him better without the festering pride. The Lord's faithfulness and love will heal my heart and my mouth.

Cycles and God's Providence!

It's funny how life seems to go in cycles. I never really noticed it until it had past and then it was painfully obvious. This fall feels like the autumn I experienced a few years ago but of course it's different in many ways. Doctor visits do this for me in the fall. A few years ago it was my Mother-in law who I was driving around back and forth from the cancer treatment center in Boone to our home there. She passed away. I think that experience has somehow colored every doctor visit since.

Last Wednesday I went with my Dear Mother to the doctor. She has had some problems with remembering things really for years but it has become alarming for her this year. Sadly, she is often confused and she is aware of her confusion and forgetfulness. My loving Brother commented that he thought she was losing her memory a decade ago! We chalked it up to stress or just plain being forgetful of unimportant things, but little did we know that it was going to continue. Despite both of us seeing it for many years, and I'm sure Dad seeing it too, none of us really thought it might be something that would get worse. She's so young! I sat in the room waiting to talk to her attendant wondering what in the world I would say. There's something so sweet and tender about my Mother- I'm not sure that anyone could be mean to her on purpose if they spent any time with her. She seemed so fragile to me. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to be angry and her Nurse for not seeing this sooner, but they couldn't have ever known. We actually saw a Nurse Practitioner rather than a doctor. She's been going to this place for years and they seem to be good at practicing medicine. This very nice lady came in and talked with us, asking Mom a series of questions, some of which she could answer and some she couldn't. She concluded that more tests needed to be performed so they had us go to a place that draws blood and reports back to them. We hoped for two days that the bloodwork would come back abnormal- that Mom would be vitamin b12 deficient which can cause a host of very preventable and treatable problems. But it wasn't to be. Next week we go to a Neurologist. I have been holding my breath waiting to see what it is that they see.

 Last Thursday I took my sweet oldest daughter to the doctor because she had been having asthma for a while. It was a short visit, followed by a drive to the pharmacy across from the hospital. The last time I went there I was returning Nana's wheelchair that we had rented. I am all to familiar with those isles - wandering up and down waiting for the name to be called from the back counter of the store. It was a little bit hard to be there. Jasmine got her medication and started on her asthma treatment. Allergy testing is next week and a follow up visit to her doctor two weeks after. She has had very much relief in the past week.

Today I was at the same office with Miriam who had a fever and vomiting. I got up early and called the doctor who made an appointment for us this morning. My fear was she had strep throat and I knew she had played with many of the cousins who live nearby just a day or so before. As I drove back into Boone (I was there yesterday for a homeschool meeting) we were listening to a radio sermon about studying scripture. The teacher said we should spend a week adjust ourselves to daily reading of scripture by getting a hold of one verse or passage, writing it on a note card and just placings where we will be often, such as at the computer or at the kitchen table. This way we would be reading and thinking on God's Word all day long until it just feels more natural. The verse "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13) popped into my head as if it had just been spoken.  I also thought why in the world am I taking her to the doctor when really the scripture teaches that if there are sick among us we ought to call for the elders of the church who shall pray and anoint the sick with oil. I didn't have any oil on hand but I did pray for her. When we left the house her temperature was 102.2. By the time we got to the doctor's office her fever had broke and was only 99. I am amazed daily by God's Providence!

Next Monday I take her to Spruce Pine to her Podiatrist to get her custom made orthotics. We suspect it will be a relief for her feet and ankles. Also next week is the regular visit to the orthodontist for Jasmine.

I said all that to say this: life is in a constant state of fluctuation and upheaval. As soon as I think I'm rooted, I'm transplanted. The very things I think are going to be one way turn up another. If I had no faith in a Loving Father in Heaven, I would be in quite a mess. He carries me when I have no strength to stand. He provides what I don't even know I need! He heals me when I didn't even know I was sick! I'm just in awe of His presence. Sure, things seem familiar. I could point to so many cycles that I have seen myself go through, but I can also see where He has brought me to and where He has carried me from. Busy-ness is part of life. Sickness sadly is too (thanks to our first parents Adam and Eve). Can anyone know tomorrow? Sure- we can plan, but can we ever know what tomorrow will bring before it has come? No. But I have a Father who knows already and in Him I put my trust!


 In our sickness we shall praise You! In our Health we shall glorify You YHWH! Who else can I turn to as my Shield and my Redeemer? There is no name in the universe by which I am saved but Yours! Blessed be the Name of  Yehoshua the Redeemer!