Trading in "Good" for "Best"

We have decided after prayer and discussion that our girls will not be continuing with their Thoughtful Thursday classes. Yesterday, I sent the emails to their teachers about it. I felt a little heartbroken to do so. It is not something that is in our best interest to continue to do, though not a bad thing of course. Isnt' life funny like that? Sometimes you have this thing you think is great only to find that it's merely good and you're missing out on the great because of it. Does that make it bad? I don't know that it is bad- just bad for us. 

Part of our inability to go has to do with the fact that we have wood heat. It’s bitterly cold in our house when there is no one here to keep the fire. This is an od drafty house that needs constant care.

We are also continually working on the house. We have yet to replace the roof (which we’d hoped to have done by now) due to finances. What seemed like only $30 per week really became more like $100 after gas and being so far away from home that we were only able to have one meal before leaving home and getting back so very late. Really we probably could have put the roof on the house by now had we chosen not to do TT  and saved that money instead. 

We spent many years just not leaving the house except for basics like grocery shopping  and doctor visits for Scott’s Mom that I just wanted the girls to do something different and fun (hence going to TT). Of course retrospect is 20/20 and many of the valuable lessons we learned during that time of trial were the best things and nothing a book nor a class could teach us can compare. 

In keeping with the “plan” we feel the Lord has given to us for our daughters, the art and music lessons, which entertaining and fun, are not “best” but only “good.” None of us should be willing to give up the “great” for merely “good” although sometimes it’s hard to tell which is which. The girls have both expressed a desire to continue classes, but also to fulfill their life plans, and so are ambivalent. Last night they spent at a friend of the family's home in order to help the Mother today with chores and childcare. After feeling tired from not sleeping well, they worked hard today. They came home tired but feeling fulfilled having helped this family. I think they have realized their calling in life if greater than the fun they have been having in classes. I am grateful.  Another lesson the Lord has provided!

Thoughts on the house and my Honey

This morning, my Honey said something to me that really spoke to me: "It will take time but it will all come together." He was referring to our halfway demolished house.

The one in which we need a non leaking roof. The one in which we have to change our sediment filter every few days because our well might be drying up, pump going out, pressure tank may be too full of mud, etc....

The one that is hazardous in certain parts of the "deck" outside because if you walk on it the rotten boards might give way. The one which has no electricity in the laundry room-soon-to-be- bathroom and I'm using an extension cord to do laundry and have a light in there. You know, the one we live in.

He is such a patient man. Perhaps it has been the years living with me that has helped him to develop that quality. He is known for saying "It's how you eat an elephant: one bite at a time." I am not so patient. I get easily overwhelmed. I often say "yes" to things that stretch my time beyond what is humanly possible. My Honey sets me free from obligations I need to be freed from ( Numbers 30) I see the large projects we take on and panic a little bit. He calms my fears that it will overtake me. I just realize on a pretty regular basis how very blessed I am. YHWH has shown me grace in marriage as well as my salvation. I have not deserved a good husband who really loves me, but I got one anyway! I have not been such a wonderful wife, but he has continually been a wonderful leader in our household. Thank you Honey!

Sabbath Preparation

Today is Sabbath prep day for us. God, before sin and the Law of Moses- before there were the Children of Israel and separation- before Mankind knew good from evil, commanded us to rest and even gave us the example to follow.

How do you stay at home or......

This evening on Facebook a lady asked this question: "What are some things that you do to make sure you don't spend more time reading or writing about your home ministry than you spend actually ministering? Let's share ideas!!!"




Here is my response:




I used to go to this great ladies Titus 2 Bible study. Sometimes I would come home with these great ideas from the group that my husband just thought weren't for us. One day I realized I spent so much time there and studying to be a good wife without implementing anything I'd learned (like obeying and reverencing my husband) that I just felt foolish and stopped going. When asked why I didn't come I told the ladies that I needed to start practicing some of the theories I had learned. LOL

I also have come to realize that the Lord places us where He wants us to minister. Here I am in the home with my daughters, homeschooling them (now teenagers) and teaching them what kind of future wives to be! I'm all for spreading the Gospel to the world, but I have a family that the Lord has given me to care for here. If He brings others into my home then this is the place for me to share in. Also, it's not a "do as I say not as I do" thing. The Gospel, hence the Christian life, is one of love (not defined as mere affection but the kind of love that as CS Lewis wrote: But Love is not mere Kindness. "Kindness cares not whether its object becomes good or bad, provided only that it escapes suffering", while Love "would rather see [the loved ones] suffer much than be happy in contemptible and estranging modes". How can I love my family if I only want them to always "be happy" by placating them with toys and entertainments? I cannot. Thus it is my job to serve them and teach the children in this precious time that I have them here with me to love the Lord. That is my ministry.

Again the Lord Provides!

I am not a winner. I enter contests all the time but I rarely win. Whenever I competed in events at school I hardly ever won. I was always surprised when I did when I ran track. I never won running events- only jumping. Of course there weren't many jumpers- sometimes none but me so I won by default. I once won a door prize- the coffee table that's in my living room right now. I also won some fabric as a part of a shop hop online at quilt websites. I think in 38 years of entering many contests and competitions, winning only a few times is pretty good. Today I won something too!

Example pot- not the pot I won

I entered the Baraka Neti Pot drawing for $100 worth of free products and I won! I entered at the last minute really, and although there were several chances to enter over the summer so I'm sure others entered several times, my one lone entry got picked! It's really just in time for us too because it's been a bad allergy season for us. We've been doing demolition here and kicking up dust and mold spored and animal droppings and who knows what else! I have caulked around doors and such, but it still gets in. My poor Dear Honey has suffered the greatest out of all of us- working tirelessly on his days off to remove dilapidated parts full of nasty allergens in the heat and up on the roof even! I have really appreciated all that he does for us- and it has been so very evident as of late. He's so good to us! The least I can do is get him a nice manly black matte neti pot made in the USA!

We have had great success with sinus rinsing to combat inhaled allergies. Today I took my Eldest Dear Daughter to have allergy testing and found that she is, like me, allergic to something from every category except foods. Of course they test for common allergens- not the bananas that have hurt her stomach since she was five. We just avoid them now. Really she has had such a time with allergies all her life- and asthma. I have only recently discovered my own allergies and asthma which have gotten worse, but my poor Baby Girl- she's woken up with gunk in her eyes, coughed through many nights, had a constant itchy throat, years of eczema, and hospitalization with asthma. After all of that and many prayers said on her behalf, we finally can say we know the causes of her miseries and combat them. I'm not much on pharmaceuticals. Anyone who knows me will know that I hate taking medicine myself, let alone giving things to my family that will be full of weird side- effect symptoms. Years ago, my Honey went into anaphylactic shock taking NSAIDs (you know- Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Aspirin, etc...) and had to be rushed to the hospital twice in a week for it! The first time he was given adrenaline and an antihistamine and sent home once the symptoms subsided (because of the meds). Once that was out of his system, his symptoms came back again and he was brought by ambulance to the hospital. He spent months on steroids and have since had to be very careful what he takes. NSAIDs are in everything from indigestion relief to sports cream! After all of these years avoiding conventional medicine, it seemed that the best thing to do was to just embrace them and put myself back on allergy medication. Currently I take Quercetin every morning for the more mild allergies, but really I needed something more for fall. I have considered Zyrtec again but I'm going to see if the Neti Pot won't help me out more without side effects. I really believe that the lot may be case in the lap but the Lord is the one who determines the outcome! No, I am not advocating gambling, but I do know we have a Father who sees and who is active always in our lives. He is not absent and I know He answers prayers! Who knows? Maybe winning this contest is an answer to prayer!

Seeing God's Truth in the Dentist Office

This morning I was blessed by an early call from my dentist's office. I say "my" meaning I plan to go there for checkups. My Beloved does some work there sometimes and he recommended  that I go get a wisdom tooth that had a cavity taken care of. Well, I met Dr. Barkley of High Country Dentistry. He was young. He's a newlywed and his wife, who I haven't met, is an Endodontist in the building right next to his. I've heard all about them from my Beloved.

I already had an appointment for Thursday for a checkup and cleaning, which was to include X-rays. The call this morning was for X-rays: I got them for free for being the guinie pig while they trained someone on the new digital x-ray machine. It took a little longer than normal, but she did an excellent job. I was not nervous at all. She really put me at ease. Oh, have I mentioned how I feel about going to the dentist? I only go as an emergency- like the ER but more dreaded in my book. Over the past decade I've been to a dentist twice. The first one told me that I had to pay them exorbitant amounts of money for scaling or I would lose my teeth by the following year. The second one filled a cavity, said he would not clean my teeth and sent me to a Periodontist for evaluation. I was diagnosed with Periodontal disease and given a treatment plan that also involved lots of money. I have a hard time trusting someone who's business it is to ensure I have a problem that only they can fix. Over my life I have been to dentists who were pull happy, stingy with Novocaine, and sometimes just fussed at me over the condition of my teeth. I realize they are MY teeth and MY responsibility, but there are circumstances sometimes beyond a person's control or in the past that just can't be helped. And no, I don't just guzzle soda. You'd be hard pressed to find me with any kind of soda and it's been that way for at least 10 years. If that's what's served, I ask for water. OK, so maybe I feel a little like I've been ill-treated by some dentists in the past. I can't hold it against all of them forever!

To say I was nervous about having a tooth pulled was an understatement. I was on the verge of throwing up. I always feel nervous like that when doing anything I deem difficult, like meeting new people at places like Bible study in which case I am expected to give intimate details of my life that I don't want to share for fear of folks judging me harshly. My Oldest, Pumpkin told me that I should be fine since she has had dental surgery and survived. She was matter-of-fact-compassionate. She told me it would hurt but after a little while I would forget all this pain and it would have been worth it. My Youngest, Sweetpea held my hand and told me she felt like the Mommy instead of me. She just sat beside me holding my hand giving silent comfort. They offered to play a game with me so I could pass the time without thinking about it, but I decline. I wanted to think about it.

I wondered at the Mysterious way in which our Savior went, knowing what was about to happen, as a Sheep to the slaughter. I felt this sense of dread at the pain that I knew would happen and thought of His knowing about pain and sin and death and still going. My sweet Daughters prayed for me, that the Father would be the one who was operating on me using the Doctor's hands as per my good Friend Linda's suggestion. She said she would be praying or me too. I was called back and thought of all of this. Dr. Barkley talked to me a few minutes and I asked him to tell me the whole thing- everything that would happen as far as surgery goes. I always like to know in advance so I can set my mind to it. He said he wasn't sure until he got in there but he gave me a description of what he thought based on what he saw already on the X-rays. He numbed me and set to work. He worked on me for about an hour. It was a challenge I think. My tooth would not budge.

I thought of how much like sin this tooth was. It had a cavity- a place of decay that was obvious. It hadn't always been there of course, but the way it just broke last month makes me think it was there just under the surface, eating away at what seemed whole. Another thing about this tooth is that the roots were very deep and bulbous at the end and rather than just going down into my jaw, it went back towards my ear. It was well lodged in there but the crown of the tooth seemed to come straight up. It was deceptive. It didnt' start where it seemed to. It started somewhere near that but it was far from obvious which way to pull without x-rays. How much like sin was that root that didn't seem to be connected to the visible part. How very like the Lord to show me this in the middle of a dental visit! He doesn't let us waste a moment when we go to Him with questions, asking for mercy. Sin eats away at us. Sometimes it is not obvious where we got an idea. Until today, I had never thought of tracing my sinfulness back to my own pride early in life. There are sins that don't seem connected to pride, but today I can see them with fresh eyes- from a new perspective- from laying in the dental chair. It hurts when sin is exposed for what it is. It's embarrassing when someone else sees it and is needed to help you remove it. The root must be exposed as well. All of the tissue that has surrounded it- protecting it- hiding it- has to be cut away, or torn depending on how tightly it hangs on. With roots like mine- deep and fat- there is much tissue loss. It is disfiguring to rip out that win root- and part of dealing with pride is humiliation. The Bible calls it becoming humble, but it still feels painful like humiliation. As I deal with the many sins my pride has been the root of- nourishing and feeding and branching off of it, I might look ugly. I may have times of sounding stupid. You might look at me and see someone you thought you knew, but not so much anymore. You might see that pride and decide you don't like me anymore. I think that is also a part of pride. Despite the pain I am in right now after the tooth was extracted, and the humiliation I know that comes when the Lord humbles you, I know I can love Him better without the festering pride. The Lord's faithfulness and love will heal my heart and my mouth.

Cycles and God's Providence!

It's funny how life seems to go in cycles. I never really noticed it until it had past and then it was painfully obvious. This fall feels like the autumn I experienced a few years ago but of course it's different in many ways. Doctor visits do this for me in the fall. A few years ago it was my Mother-in law who I was driving around back and forth from the cancer treatment center in Boone to our home there. She passed away. I think that experience has somehow colored every doctor visit since.

Last Wednesday I went with my Dear Mother to the doctor. She has had some problems with remembering things really for years but it has become alarming for her this year. Sadly, she is often confused and she is aware of her confusion and forgetfulness. My loving Brother commented that he thought she was losing her memory a decade ago! We chalked it up to stress or just plain being forgetful of unimportant things, but little did we know that it was going to continue. Despite both of us seeing it for many years, and I'm sure Dad seeing it too, none of us really thought it might be something that would get worse. She's so young! I sat in the room waiting to talk to her attendant wondering what in the world I would say. There's something so sweet and tender about my Mother- I'm not sure that anyone could be mean to her on purpose if they spent any time with her. She seemed so fragile to me. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to be angry and her Nurse for not seeing this sooner, but they couldn't have ever known. We actually saw a Nurse Practitioner rather than a doctor. She's been going to this place for years and they seem to be good at practicing medicine. This very nice lady came in and talked with us, asking Mom a series of questions, some of which she could answer and some she couldn't. She concluded that more tests needed to be performed so they had us go to a place that draws blood and reports back to them. We hoped for two days that the bloodwork would come back abnormal- that Mom would be vitamin b12 deficient which can cause a host of very preventable and treatable problems. But it wasn't to be. Next week we go to a Neurologist. I have been holding my breath waiting to see what it is that they see.

 Last Thursday I took my sweet oldest daughter to the doctor because she had been having asthma for a while. It was a short visit, followed by a drive to the pharmacy across from the hospital. The last time I went there I was returning Nana's wheelchair that we had rented. I am all to familiar with those isles - wandering up and down waiting for the name to be called from the back counter of the store. It was a little bit hard to be there. Jasmine got her medication and started on her asthma treatment. Allergy testing is next week and a follow up visit to her doctor two weeks after. She has had very much relief in the past week.

Today I was at the same office with Miriam who had a fever and vomiting. I got up early and called the doctor who made an appointment for us this morning. My fear was she had strep throat and I knew she had played with many of the cousins who live nearby just a day or so before. As I drove back into Boone (I was there yesterday for a homeschool meeting) we were listening to a radio sermon about studying scripture. The teacher said we should spend a week adjust ourselves to daily reading of scripture by getting a hold of one verse or passage, writing it on a note card and just placings where we will be often, such as at the computer or at the kitchen table. This way we would be reading and thinking on God's Word all day long until it just feels more natural. The verse "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13) popped into my head as if it had just been spoken.  I also thought why in the world am I taking her to the doctor when really the scripture teaches that if there are sick among us we ought to call for the elders of the church who shall pray and anoint the sick with oil. I didn't have any oil on hand but I did pray for her. When we left the house her temperature was 102.2. By the time we got to the doctor's office her fever had broke and was only 99. I am amazed daily by God's Providence!

Next Monday I take her to Spruce Pine to her Podiatrist to get her custom made orthotics. We suspect it will be a relief for her feet and ankles. Also next week is the regular visit to the orthodontist for Jasmine.

I said all that to say this: life is in a constant state of fluctuation and upheaval. As soon as I think I'm rooted, I'm transplanted. The very things I think are going to be one way turn up another. If I had no faith in a Loving Father in Heaven, I would be in quite a mess. He carries me when I have no strength to stand. He provides what I don't even know I need! He heals me when I didn't even know I was sick! I'm just in awe of His presence. Sure, things seem familiar. I could point to so many cycles that I have seen myself go through, but I can also see where He has brought me to and where He has carried me from. Busy-ness is part of life. Sickness sadly is too (thanks to our first parents Adam and Eve). Can anyone know tomorrow? Sure- we can plan, but can we ever know what tomorrow will bring before it has come? No. But I have a Father who knows already and in Him I put my trust!


 In our sickness we shall praise You! In our Health we shall glorify You YHWH! Who else can I turn to as my Shield and my Redeemer? There is no name in the universe by which I am saved but Yours! Blessed be the Name of  Yehoshua the Redeemer!