Blessing in Disguise

Sometimes I have pain. It's mysterious at best. Like when I'm trying to go to sleep at night and there's a wrinkle in the sheet and it feels like I'm laying on a huge tree root and feeling bruised though it's not. Or like then I lay on my side and my top foot rests on my bottom foot and it feels painful and the bottom foot starts cramping or feeling bruised. Or like when sometimes my neck and shoulders feel like maybe my head has been too heavy and the job of holding it up is just too much, so I seek out a massage from my Honey but it hurts too bad to let him touch me. Or when wearing a bra (or anything elastic) is just too painful- as if it's suddenly gotten too small and is cutting me to bits, though it's not and I haven't put on any weight. I even went to an ENT thinking it was becauwse I might be allergic to elastic (latex) but I wasn't. Yesterday I was folding laundry- nothing heavy- socks or something ridiculous- and suddenly my heels started hurting like I was holding something very heavy. I'm far too young to hurt like this! I feel like the Princess from Princess and the Pea. Recently I've developed pain in my left hand (which seems like it's not a big deal except I'm very left handed) that prevents me from picking up anything heavier than a small cup of coffee. Sometimes I can't even pick that up. It's ridiculous! That has been happening for months now. It is very frustrating because I can't make my bed or get the laundry out of the washer because tugging hurts too bad.

My poor husband- I burn him up all the time. I can't seem to get warm. I thought maybe I had a fever but I haven't had one at all. I'm always cold. I stay in the kitchen most often because the wood stove is in here. It's not like I'm sitting around not creating heat- I just can't seem to keep it! I pile on clothes and move as much as I can aerobically without hurting too much, but still- cold. There has been one really great thing- the sunshine. I have never enjoyed it as much as I do after a shower if the bathroom is warm and the sun is streaming in. :) I don't hurt or freeze then. We are remodeling the whole house (including the now demolished bathroom) so it will be a while before I can get that lovely sunshine in there again. For now we shower in the laundry room and use the bathroom upstairs. I do feel my poor Honey has got a bum deal! At night when I'm asleep, it seems that all the heat I didn't produce during the day is produced at night. He says I'm like a furnace sometimes.

There's a bit of disorientation sometimes. I noticed that some years ago. Often I feel like I have just woken up from a dream. When I turn around, sometimes I don't know where I am- only for a split second though. That has been very disconcerting and not anything I've told my Honey. I think it's from lack of good sleep though. I saw this Twilight Zone once where this man was afraid to sleep because he was sure he would dream a certain dream and would die. He fell asleep and died just like he thought he would. I'm sure if I would sleep well I would feel better the next day. Maybe that is all any of it is. I think a lack of sleep can probably make a person crazy! The worst thing about it is, I'm so tired that I do nap- for hours sometimes- but I don't feel like I've rested when I get up. I feel more like I didn't have a choice and I pass out. Maybe everyone has feelings of being disoriented sometimes. There's a certain spot in my drive from Boone to home that I really can never figure out where I am. That has always happened though. It's somewhere near Linville Ridge- it's all just tree lined trees in what seems like forever driving at that point.


You know another thing? When you have mysterious pain, everyone tells you what can cure it. I have been guilty of it myself. I eat well- better than most. I do not drink soft drinks, don't eat much sugar (I usually use honey if I can), make all our bread products at home from freshly ground flour, eat plenty of whole grains, fresh organic fruits and veggies, wild caught fish, eggs from my own free range chickens, venison from the deep woods, and I even avoid the nightshades (peppers, potatoes, tomatoes) because of joint pain. But you know what? It doesn't matter. I even drink water from my own well that is filtered twice and re-mineralized! I go so far as to drink real milk and make homemade yogurt and some cheeses from it! My family really appreciates it but I don't get complete relief. I have to say, I am truly sorry to anyone who I have advised before without having any idea what I am talking about. I think most people mean well, but to look at me like I'm crazy because something they are doing to me hurts me (like a clap on the back or a firm handshake) is really annoying. Well, I usually keep my distance (I don't let people touch me if I can help it), so it hasn't happened often. You know how at church you're supposed to hug and shake hands with folks? How I wish I could still do that!

I'm so glad I have the family I have. My Honey brought in the firewood and stoked the fire even though it ends up being the thing that separates us from hanging out. He comes into the kitchen where I am and just chats with me for a while. Sometimes he even comes in and offers to get me something to drink! It's a really big deal because you know- I am in the kitchen already. I love that! My girls just fill in my blanks for me. They find the words I can't. For example- I once was talking about "pants" and I just kept saying "leg things." While we all got a chuckle out of it, they knew what I meant and set to work putting their Dad's laundry away. If I'm giving them instructions I will call the wrong name of a thing 5 or 6 times before I hit on what I meant to say. They don't make fun of me or feel ashamed. They just listen. I love that! It does make for some interesting homeschool lessons! Fortunately, they are self educators and we have plenty of books full of words the authors mean to say!

I haven't been to the doctor for any of this. The last time I went to a doctor (who I absolutely trusted and loved) for weird things like this they offered me antidepressants. It was about a dozen years ago. I don't have a real love relationship with any doctors now. My whole family has been run through the mill by many different docs over the years. I think most of them don't know what they are doing- that's why it's called a "practice." But seriously- I don't have money to throw at not getting to the bottom of what all this is about. We have done a fair amount of research on our own and discovered some things. Both Scott and I think it's fibromyalgia. There are a few other things my symptoms could be, but taken all together, that was the only thing. After talking to people with it and telling them what I felt like, they thought so too. So, there we have saved tens of thousands of dollars by doing the research (though it has taken years- wait it still might have taken years with doctors) ourselves.

You know what though? In all this I still feel so blessed!! I remember sometimes being called the wrong name by my Granny when I was little. She had many of us children always around, so of course she was going to make mistakes. Some kids made fun and teased. She just made it a joke too. She is great like that. I am so blessed to have learned how to roll with the punches from so great a woman! I am blessed to have daughters who still look to me even though they know I am not perfect! I am blessed to have a husband who doesn't feel like he got a raw deal marrying a woman with chronic problems. 

Wisdom vs. Wit

Sometimes I wish I was clever. You know- when someone says something witty and you have an equally witty comeback? I'm not clever that way though. When I was a child, I used to think that I could have some witty retort to someone making fun of me or another equally unpopular child. When the offending party was stumped with nothing more to say, all the other kids who felt like the underdog would hoist me to their shoulders and carry me around cheering my intellect like it was some sort of super power. As an adult, I know how foolish it is to feel this way still, but really do we ever grow up completely? Do we ever stop feeling vulnerable like children? What does God's Word say about all of this?

 Isaiah 5: 21 says "Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes And clever in their own sight!"

1 Corinthians 3:18 "Do not deceive yourselves. If any of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise."

Proverbs 3:7 "Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil."

Wow.

There are more verses about the pride of thinking ourselves clever and wise.  So where does this come from? Why is it so pervasive in people to want to know things we don't really know? I'm not talking about what you learn from a book rather than from actually doing something (like I "know" how to make soap in theory. I've read about it and even memorized recipes for years, but I've never done it myself), I'm talking about the desire to always have something to say in conversation- something that people will nod and think "I wish I had said that" and "she always says the most wise things." The basic question is: where does human pride come from?


When Earth was freshly made and everything was "good" according to God (who I bet never throws around words such as "good" like I do)- this was the height of perfection for human kind! There was one man and one woman. They had everything in creation to discover! And what did they do? The ONE thing they were told NOT to do. Eve was told by the adversary: "You know the only reason He doesn't want you to eat the fruit is because he wants to keep you in the dark about everything. Girlfriend, as soon as you eat it you'll know good and evil just like He does and you KNOW He just wants to keep a sista down! (my paraphrase of course)"

Not wanting to remain uncouth, she ate it and then gave some to Adam and he ate it too. That pride- that desire to "know" something was born in the human heart! Our Mother Eve, and Father Adam- they wanted to know better than God! So next time I'm hit with the urge to have had some clever thing to say, maybe I can remember verses about meekness and contentment.

Blessings!

Gullet Adoption Fundraiser

I know I said my next post would be about the cost of eating out, but I had to let you know about this great fundraiser a family is doing to adopt a child. It's called the "Gullet Adoption Fundraiser." I have to just say that I think adoption is a wonderful thing. We are all adopted by God into His family. We are called to care for the widows and orphans (what better way than adoption?). Consider helping this wonderful family.


http://goodnessandgraceblog.blogspot.com/2012/01/special-fundraiser-for-our-adoption.html

The Gullet Family

The Cost of Eating

Sometimes it's really easy for me to say "we'll just get something out to eat." I come up with reasons why-

"It's so much faster" 

"It's not that much more expensive than buying it and making it at home." 

"I don't think it will hurt every once in a while."

and the infamous "Let's treat ourselves."

But really, are any of these points valid?

Lets deal with each one in turn:  

"It's so much faster" Do you know where I live? I'm in the middle of nowhere. It takes at least 10 minutes to drive to the nearest town and the choices there aren't all that great. No one in the family wants fast food, so we have to drive a few towns away. Lets say I drive 20 minutes one way (a very conservative estimate from here), order my food (even if I already know what I'm getting it still takes a few minutes to do this). Non fast food restaurants take about 20 minutes to prepare and package the food, then another 20 minutes home. I've spent an hour getting food that's not even hot once I get it home, another 5 or so minutes to un-package it, etc... You get the idea.

What about when I lived in town? Still, a few minutes to drive, 20 minutes to get the food and a few minutes to drive back home. So let's say half an hour? I have seen "Meals in 20 Minutes" cook books. But really, who says faster is better? I'm almost always at home to cook slowly if I want to.So I guess that excuse is out the door !



Next time I'll tackle "It's not that much more expensive than buying it and making it at home." 

New Year, New Day

Well, 2011 is coming to an end today. We celebrate the flipping over of a calender with anticipation of new and exciting promises to be better, make ourselves better, and the world better.

I find it a strange custom for us to do as Believers in the One True God, Creator of the universe and of time itself. Our systematic counting of time has no real meaning if we forget that He is always faithful and His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3: 22-23). It is no accident or gift of time that we wake up in the morning. God's time is always perfect. Remember how He gave us an example by doing Himself of how to treat time in the very beginning before there was no sin? Back when He told us the way to count days? There was no written calender. Let me remind you with His own Word:

“By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.” (Genesis 2:2-3)

and later in the law:


 “Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is the Sabbath of YHWH your God. In it you shall not do any work, you, nor your son, nor your daughter; your manservant, nor your maidservant, nor your livestock, nor the stranger within your gates; for in six days YHWH made the heaven and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore YHWH blessed the Sabbath day and sanctified it” (Ex. 20:8-11).

Now, I know that we are no longer under the curse of the law (read this about the law), but I am talking about keeping time.

 Are we to make promises of being better only when a year has passed? Are we to only recognize YHWH's goodness when we awake tomorrow because we've lived to see "another year?" Or is it that we ought to be grateful because we awoke this morning and all the other mornings before this? He tells us in His Word to be thankful for all things and pray always (1 Thessalonians 5: 17-18), so should we not do this every day? I am struck by the fact that our Lord wants my genuine thanks- my first thing in the morning- haven't opened my eyes yet- morning breath- stumbling down the hall towards the bathroom- praise and prayer. It's not just the anticipation of changing out my old calender with a new one- it's the all the time anticipation that this world is not my home- that He will come back to get me- that I will be able to spend eternity in Glory- and that I will answer face to face for even the foolish words I have spoken while not thinking (Matt. 12:36). Imagine then the idle way I have spent my unredeemed time (Ephesians 5: 16)! Do not wait another moment to live as imitators of God (Eph. 5:1) just because it's not a "new year." We are not promised another day at all (James 4: 13-17)!

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Trading in "Good" for "Best"

We have decided after prayer and discussion that our girls will not be continuing with their Thoughtful Thursday classes. Yesterday, I sent the emails to their teachers about it. I felt a little heartbroken to do so. It is not something that is in our best interest to continue to do, though not a bad thing of course. Isnt' life funny like that? Sometimes you have this thing you think is great only to find that it's merely good and you're missing out on the great because of it. Does that make it bad? I don't know that it is bad- just bad for us. 

Part of our inability to go has to do with the fact that we have wood heat. It’s bitterly cold in our house when there is no one here to keep the fire. This is an od drafty house that needs constant care.

We are also continually working on the house. We have yet to replace the roof (which we’d hoped to have done by now) due to finances. What seemed like only $30 per week really became more like $100 after gas and being so far away from home that we were only able to have one meal before leaving home and getting back so very late. Really we probably could have put the roof on the house by now had we chosen not to do TT  and saved that money instead. 

We spent many years just not leaving the house except for basics like grocery shopping  and doctor visits for Scott’s Mom that I just wanted the girls to do something different and fun (hence going to TT). Of course retrospect is 20/20 and many of the valuable lessons we learned during that time of trial were the best things and nothing a book nor a class could teach us can compare. 

In keeping with the “plan” we feel the Lord has given to us for our daughters, the art and music lessons, which entertaining and fun, are not “best” but only “good.” None of us should be willing to give up the “great” for merely “good” although sometimes it’s hard to tell which is which. The girls have both expressed a desire to continue classes, but also to fulfill their life plans, and so are ambivalent. Last night they spent at a friend of the family's home in order to help the Mother today with chores and childcare. After feeling tired from not sleeping well, they worked hard today. They came home tired but feeling fulfilled having helped this family. I think they have realized their calling in life if greater than the fun they have been having in classes. I am grateful.  Another lesson the Lord has provided!

Thoughts on the house and my Honey

This morning, my Honey said something to me that really spoke to me: "It will take time but it will all come together." He was referring to our halfway demolished house.

The one in which we need a non leaking roof. The one in which we have to change our sediment filter every few days because our well might be drying up, pump going out, pressure tank may be too full of mud, etc....

The one that is hazardous in certain parts of the "deck" outside because if you walk on it the rotten boards might give way. The one which has no electricity in the laundry room-soon-to-be- bathroom and I'm using an extension cord to do laundry and have a light in there. You know, the one we live in.

He is such a patient man. Perhaps it has been the years living with me that has helped him to develop that quality. He is known for saying "It's how you eat an elephant: one bite at a time." I am not so patient. I get easily overwhelmed. I often say "yes" to things that stretch my time beyond what is humanly possible. My Honey sets me free from obligations I need to be freed from ( Numbers 30) I see the large projects we take on and panic a little bit. He calms my fears that it will overtake me. I just realize on a pretty regular basis how very blessed I am. YHWH has shown me grace in marriage as well as my salvation. I have not deserved a good husband who really loves me, but I got one anyway! I have not been such a wonderful wife, but he has continually been a wonderful leader in our household. Thank you Honey!